"It's a miracle!" Fanny proclaimed gleefully as she examined the contents of her pants. "Praise be to my bloodless vagina and all who sail in her!"
It was day 6 of her cycle and, ordinarily, Fanny's period would still be pootling along. Lightly - but definitely still there. Like Lord of the Rings - It. Just. Wouldn't. Bloody. End.
And this was the way of things in Fanny's pants for many years.
But then something happened. Something strange and fantastical. Having been a tampon girl all her menstruating life, within six months of switching to cloth pads, Fanny's period was suddenly a whole day shorter! Say what?! Fanny had heard rumours about shorter or lighter periods upon switching to reusables before but, being a massive doom-sayer, Fanny was wholly sceptical and dismissed it as urban legend. But it actually happened! A whole day shorter. "This has got to be a one-off" reasoned Fanny. But it kept happening. Every month. A whole day shorter. "Curiouser and curiouser!" she cried. "How? And why?!"
Now, Fanny doesn't want to big herself up, but initially she thought her vagina might actually be blessed. Like by a fanny-god or something. Fanny always felt her vagina was pretty special. But, to be fair, Fanny can't be entirely sure that divine intervention explains it. And actually, when Fanny really thinks hard, it could be due to a number of reasons - like fluke - or science!
So Fanny decided to don her investigating hat to try and unravel the mystery of The Cloth Pad and the Period of Reduced Menstruation. Dun Dun Duhhhhhhn.
Like any great detective Fanny first set about identifying the key suspects, starting with a quick Google (Fanny isn't claiming to be Sherlock Holmes), before subjecting them to a gritty cross examination. Along the way Fanny uncovered intrigue, enigma and even conspiracy.... Was it Mrs Scarlett in the bathroom with the sannie pad? Let's find out.
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Curiouser and curiouser |
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The All Seeing Fanny |
Clean fannying - You've all heard of Deliciously Ella, yah? Well Fanny wonders if the movement towards reusables and organic cotton disposables means that Clean Eating has basically extended to our vaginas. No - I don't mean our vaginas are eating steamed vegetables - you need to go to Goop for that kind of madness. Fanny is just pondering whether reusable lovers are generally making other healthy choices - whether we are collectively a bunch of yoga loving, kale chugging wholesome hippies. And if that's the case, then maybe we're creating the conditions for excellent menstrual health - and the reusables are just a coincidence. Is this a case of mistaken identity? Serial will probably be doing a gripping podcast on this soon.
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Terrifying period monster |
So, in summary, what Fanny learned is that while she has a collection of very suspicious suspects, she has no freaking idea why her period got shorter when she switched to cloth pads. She can't prove it is any one of the suspects beyond all reasonable doubt. Nevertheless, her periods are still shorter, and that's just totally dandy. But wouldn't it be just brilliant to have some proper, bonafide scientific research in this area?! It's pretty shocking to Fanny that this is so lacking. Let's push for it! Fannies unite!
And if you're not already using reusable pads, why not give them a go and see if they make a difference to you? You never know - your fanny might just get a lovely surprise.
Fanny, over and out.
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